Couchsurfing (CS) is full of great experiences and except for a couple minor incidents I’ve had some truly wonderful interactions in more than four and half years as a CSer and I highly recommend the project. But every bushel has a bad apple…
Earlier this year I was hosted in my home country, Brazil, by a middle-aged man with a PhD and some experience in journalism. I was super excited to meet him and very thankful for his flexibility and later his hospitality. But there was something a bit chaotic about the experience that just made me feel I should point it out in the neutral reference I thought appropriate. After all CS is based on trust and honesty – or at least it should be.
In the past I’d left a couple neutral references that, upon discussion with my host or guest, I realized had been unfair and so I changed them to positive and apologized for my misjudgment. But I couldn’t justify changing my neutral reference to positive when PhD CSer asked me to. Apparently my neutral reference was sticking out and not looking good on his profile, to paraphrase him. He went on to point out that he was volunteering and that that depends on people trusting him. Now, I take CS rather seriously, being that it involves a lot of trust in strangers (!) so I spent way too much time re-evaluating the situation and eventually my gut left me with no doubt that I was doing the right thing by not changing the reference.
In a polite reply I explained to PhD CSer why I couldn’t change my reference and wished him the best of luck. Next thing I know he not only changes the positive reference he’d left me to neutral but turns it into a little personal attack, following with a long private message that confirmed that my gut was right (of course!). In the email the guy showed his borderline psycho side and made me truly scared for anyone found in his presence should he not get his way or get ticked off for whatever reason. Holy Scrabble-doodle!
By the way, though CS offers the option of requesting removal of such types of retaliatory references it does not interfere if there’ve been email exchanges between members in relation to the changed reference. CS also encourages members to try to resolve issues about references among themselves before contacting the dispute team. Logic isn’t part of CS mission.
So now I’ll risk getting my first negative reference because I just can’t not mention that the guy’s apparently not exactly stable. If you’ve had experience with this type of situation, do share!
oh Ana. well, i have not had this kind of experience so i don’t know just what to share or advise. i hear you though, and i am proud for you that you stuck with what you needed to say, regarding the neutral reference given. please just continue follow your gut instincts. and you know, i say that any potential future CSer who would not trust in YOU because of one neutral reference on your profile is not someone you need to meet. love and light, and the truth is right! :)
hi there not had this experience on couch surfing though not it that often. had a wonderful experience in ecuador staying with a family and need to get back into in asia as would love to meet more local people on my trip. I agree re following gut instinct, it’ssomething i always do when travelling and say to other travellers to do too. I think you did the right thing and subsequent actings showed this. always thought the reference system was a bit strange and lends itself to everyone giving positive references.
Hey, I can’t say that I have a Couchsurfing story anything like yours.
I only ever hosted one person (in Portugal), and that didn’t go so well, but for very different reasons. Unfortunately, it did put me off repeating the experience, since I had other potential couchsurfers lining up with the same ideas.
The world, unfortunately, has a fair few people with egos the size of mountains, and seriously unstable and manipulative personalities to match. I shy away from using the word ‘psychopath’ because it’s such a strong term, but I’ve met a few in my time and learned how to recognise them since an incident several years ago.
Hats off to you for not only being able to spot this one, but also for sticking to your guns, and not being cowed by his narcissistic desire to not have his character traits exposed so publicly.