Most Likely To… in Amsterdam

Copyright (c) 2011 Ana da Silva

Based on heavy generalization, stereotyping and other biased information (i.e. limited personal observation), I hereby present you a list of people most likely to do something dumb, irritating or otherwise unwholesome in Amsterdam.

Nationalities most likely to…

…fall into a canal: British (men). Why: drunk ass men using the canals as toilets

…be rejected as a clients by prostitutes: British (men). Why: too drunk (I actually heard this one!)

…be confused with prostitutes: British (women, young). Why: way too short skirts, way too high heels, way too much sloppy red lipstick

…bump into you in a nearly empty museum: Spaniards. Why: they’re always looking the opposite way from the way in which they’re walking

…elbow you in a nearly empty bar: Dutch men. Why: lack of manners and social skills

…not be shocked by ladies in lingerie “for sale” in windows: Brazilians. Why: Brazilian women wear less on the beach and Brazilian prostitutes can be found buck naked

…crossfade: Americans. Why: late drinking age (18) + “coolness” of telling their friends they got high everyday

…not notice any canals: Aussies. Why: spend all their time in pubs

…complain that the canals aren’t beautiful enough: the French. Why: they’re French

…spend their entire stay talking about how their city is so much better: Parisians. Why: yup, you got it

…make locals feel like movie stars on the red carpet just for riding crazy-colored bikes: Japanese. Why: super cameras with super flashes operated by super fast fingers in a super-sized tour group

…fail to satisfy horny tourists: the Dutch. Why: they’re Dutch

…annoy local cyclists: really tough one but Spaniards are winning so far. Why: all tourists are stupid on the bike lanes, whether riding or walking on the lanes, but there seems to be lots of groups of Spaniards everywhere for some reason

…irritate local men: Italians (men). Why: they’re like heavy rain falling on a tree of female ego that’s dying from neglect by Dutch men, whose watering cans were taken away by Dutch women